Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
