You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
