I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
