respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
