the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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