he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
