Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
