I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize