I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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