but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
