Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
