She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
