4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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