the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
