My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
