he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
