I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I lost the right to judge tonight
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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