So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
