I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
