I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
