The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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