i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
