you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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