she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
