I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
