Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Of course I have a pirate flag
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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