hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
