the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
