I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
