She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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