dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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