I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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