ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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