Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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