just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
