not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Buhtt sex?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
