Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
