Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize