I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
