oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
