Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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