Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
