oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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