i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
