Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
