So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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