I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
