oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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