so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
