but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
