I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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