I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
