my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
