I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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