is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
