i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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