whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
