that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
