just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
