Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
