Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
