What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
