I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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