Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
thus making me awesome and them whores
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
