i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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