Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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