he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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