dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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