remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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