Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
