Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
