Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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