I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
