Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
