got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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