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His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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