just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
