Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
