I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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