Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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