She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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