the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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