We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
