Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
