Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize