If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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