Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
