Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize