I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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