I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
