I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
