Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
