Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
