You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
