I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
