So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
