We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
