Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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