i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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