It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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